These are the good old days

Today I have a babysitter and so I came to the public library to get some writing done. Driving here by myself I felt almost giddy with the freedom of it all, a cherished break from being the caregiver to my two young boys. I was looking forward to setting up my laptop next to a giant window overlooking Boardman Lake, and having a few hours of peace and quiet and uninterrupted writing.

Wouldn't you know it, as soon as I walked in door, I was reminded of my little boys. We have been here dozens of times for story hour, and then to play with the puppets, fill up our bag full of books, and play on the train in the children's garden. I have so many fond memories with them here. The laughter and hushed squeals of preschoolers echoed through the library as I walked in and I missed my boys so much my heart ached.

The same thing happened a few weeks ago when I ran an errand to the mall one evening. I was feeling especially tired after a long week and was happy to have a few minutes to myself. But as I walked past the play area and heard the screams of toddlers, I longed for my boys to be with me. It dawned on me that day that I might always feel that way. When I am in my fifties will I miss the toddler and preschooler versions of them every time I come into a library? Maybe, but probably not.

I think what these moments do is keep me in balance. They remind me that even though it is challenging at times, I am so glad that my boys are at this age right now. This is the season of my life that I am in right now and I love it. There are things to look forward to, like more time for myself, but I don't wish to speed things up. Actually, if I could slow down time I would, and I would linger a bit longer in the sweet and silly moments with my babies. But I cannot do that either. I am learning that the key is to enjoy life in the moment.

Once, years ago, I was reminiscing with my Aunt about a really fun family reunion we had when we spontaneously started a dance party outside of a Billy Ocean concert (yeah, that dates me, huh?). I said, "ah, the good old days." And my Aunt, with two young girls of her own at the time replied, "No, *these* are the good old days right now." And I know that these days, right now, are the good old days for me. If I do it right, every season of my life can be the good old days.