Plant-based diet

In September I began eating a plant-based diet, and it has been kind of exciting. By plant-based I mean that I'm not eating any meat or dairy or eggs. In other words, vegan. Up until about three weeks ago, I never thought I would try this. I was a vegetarian for years, and we eat mostly vegetarian around our house, but being vegan still seemed daunting.

Then my sister told me about The Kind Diet, a book about eating a more plant-based diet, which is kind to your body, the planet, and animals. The book is written by Alicia Silverstone and a nutritionist. I don't usually get my nutritional advice from actresses, but I have to say she does a really good job of making becoming vegan sound like a fun adventure, and totally possible. To a cheese lover like me, that was a major accomplishment. She's a tried and true foodie and has been a vegan for more than a decade. When we lived in Los Angeles, Ross and I used to frequent the farmer's market and we would see her there a lot, hanging with the farmers. So I know she's the real deal. The book also gets into macrobiotic diet, which maximizes all the benefits.

So I've been doing the vegan thing for almost a month, and I have to say I feel great! The first week was hard, I felt sluggish and grumpy, which she said was to be expected as your body "detoxes". Now I feel full of energy and so bright. I feel fresh, healthy, cruelty-free...better. More alive in many ways, perhaps because the food I'm eating is very much still alive.

I've had much fewer cravings than I expected, and when I do have cravings I indulge in something satisfying and vegan. Usually peanut butter is involved. The hardest part, as with any dietary change, is figuring out the ingredients to have around the house and the go-to recipes. It also has not always been easy to cook for my non-vegan family at the same time, but we're making it work. I've even been able to find a vegan meal at restaurants pretty easily.

Since delving into this project, I've also learned that Bill Clinton is now a vegan for health reasons, as following a plant-based diet has been found to reverse heart disease. I am sure that he also appreciates how his diet greatly reduces his carbon footprint. And Alex Baldwin too has become vegan, and have you seen him lately? He looks amazing.

Some nice benefits I've noticed so far: I enjoy food so much more. I really appreciate a satisfying plate of healthy food, usually grains, beans, and veggies of some sort. And even though it feels like I've been eating non-stop, I've lost the 5 pounds that I've wanted to drop. Bonus!

The best part, I think, is feeling the freedom of living according to my values. The way we treat animals in factory farming, including dairy and egg production, is just plain unethical. I have been a vegetarian on and off, but have never given up dairy or eggs. Since I was consuming it all my life I realize I had been ignoring, to some extent, how sad I was to be supporting such practices. I feel free from that now, and it is a very liberating feeling.

I cannot say that I will always be vegan, but now that I know it is possible and an option when locally-sourced and sustainably raised meat, dairy and eggs are not available. Also, I'm not saying it is for everyone (maybe it is, but I don't feel qualified to say so!) all of the time. I'm eating plenty of vegetables, beans, and grains and taking supplements to make sure I get all of the vitamins and omegas that I need.

And you know what, I feel great!

Happy Halloween!

Puff the magic dragon with his pumpkin creation.

Sir Chuckle-alot the dragon slayer.

I loved making their costumes, and then walking around town with friends for Tricks or Treats, running into many more friends, and seeing all the houses decked out for Halloween. Oh, and the spiced wine was a nice addition. Hope yours was nice too!

Fall fun

Pumpkin patch.

Hayrides.

Hot cider.

Corn mazes.

Colorful trees.

Collecting leaves.

Goodbye summer, it's okay now. We have fall.

letting go of expectations

I have been trying to live more in the moment, to enjoy my children more, and to laugh more. I've found that I'm often distracted with all the things I need and want to do, and I feel it is taking away from my time with them. So I have been working on simplifying our home with fewer possessions to clean up after, and simplifying our schedules so we don't have too much going on. But even on the most simplified weeks, I can still feel overwhelmed by all there is to do.

Then I had an "aha" moment while reading Meg Meeker's The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers. I realized that one invisible area that needed simplifying is my expectations for myself. That is what has been draining me. I simply have too many expectations, and I've been silently beating myself up for not meeting those expectations. For example, I've been expecting myself to work more hours and make more money, cook better dinners, eat more local food, wear nicer clothes, fix up our house, keep it tidier, exercise more, start painting, blog more, be a better friend, spend more time with my husband, and figure out (and pursue) my one true purpose in life...

No wonder I'm feeling overwhelmed. No wonder I cannot focus on playing with Charlie in our mornings together. I feel like I should be redoing the bathroom and going for a run and on and on. And I think this is how a lot of women feel.

Following Meeker's advice, I made a list of all of these things I expect of myself. After reading it over a few times, I tore it up.

Then I made a list of the 10 goals I have deep down for myself. The things that I believe are what goes into being a great woman and mother. This took more thought, and I may still refine this list. After prioritizing them, I took the top three and let go of the rest. For the next few months, at least, focusing on these things is enough. I'm working on:

1. Living more in the moment, and being more focused (not distracted) with my children,

2. Being a better friend, and

3. Being content with who I am, just the way I am today.

I noticed that my list was less tangible than the other expectations I have for myself, so it is no wonder that these have been pushed aside when I'm not focused on them. But each of these priorities will take work, and I don't plan on just paying more attention to these areas. I'm going to pursue them. For example, I plan to write my close friends notes, and look for ways to help them out or show them they are special to me. There are a few people who I have been meaning to ask over for coffee to get to know them better, and now I will do that and build my circle of friends. Friends are really important to a good life, and I want to put more energy and intention into them.

This exercise was so liberating. Now I see what I really want to focus on, and I can let the rest go for now. I may still get around to painting the bathroom and going for a run occasionally, but I won't beat myself up about it if I don't. I have more important things that I'm working on.

There is another layer to all of this. On a subconscious level, I have felt for some time that every moment of my day needs to be productive. If I am not working for pay, I should be fixing up the house or crossing something else off my (really long) to-do list. Doing something that wasn't on this to-do list, or spending any leisure time for myself made me feel guilty. With so many expectations and a long to-do list, it is no wonder that I was feeling this way. Having priorities and letting go of that to-do list (literally getting rid of it) is helping.

Yesterday afternoon, I took Charlie to the park. It was a beautiful, sunny fall day. We talked and played and laughed. I was living in the moment without any thoughts of what I "should be doing" nagging at me. I was exactly where I should be. It was so much fun. It is working already!

ditching the paper coffee cup

Image: Dino De Luca / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There was a time when I would buy a cup of coffee almost every day. Sometimes more than one cup per day, and it usually came in a paper cup. It really didn't feel like I was doing anything really bad. I mean, one paper cup won't hurt anything right? Unfortunately, there were millions of other people with my paper coffee cup habit thinking the same thing.

Here's the problem:

• In 2010, an estimated 23 billion paper coffee cups will be used. It takes 9 million trees and enough energy to power 77,000 homes to make these cups.
• Paper coffee cups are lined with a plastic resin called polyethylene, so they can hold hot liquid. With this coating they cannot be recycled. All of these coffee cups end up in landfills.
• In the landfill the paper cups decompose and release methane, a greenhouse gas that traps even more heat than carbon dioxide.
• Most coffee cups are not made of recycled paper, as recycled paper is typically not strong enough to hold liquid.

Suddenly, my coffee has a bitter aftertaste.

My solution:

Well, for starters I'm going to make my coffee at home and drink it from a mug. I've been doing this for a while now to save time and money, and I enjoy it just as much. On the weekends, I will still treat myself to a fancy coffee, but I will do it in a reusable mug. One study found that I'll have to use my stainless steel mug 24 times for it to be more environmentally friendly than paper cups. That's 3 months of weekend coffees for me.

Here's a back of the napkin calculation on savings, because I LOVE to quantify things:

Money saved:

$624 per year

(Making my own coffee vs. 3 lattes and 2 coffees out per week)

Resources saved:

350 cups per year

140 pounds greenhouse gases per year

21.6 pounds of solid waste per year

My coffee habit alone will save one tree every seven years

Sources:

http://www.edf.org/documents/523_starbucks.pdf p.25.

Also see http://www.sustainabilityissexy.com/facts.html for more fascinating and terrifying figures

Football lessons on peace

"You must be the change you want to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi

Last night I learned a lesson in bringing more peace to the world from somewhere I never would have expected: a football game. I should say right off that I get the irony, but sometimes inspiration comes from unlikely places. I take it where I can get it.

I was watching the Michigan and Notre Dame football game, which turned out to be an incredibly exciting game. Even more than Michigan's dynamic comeback, what struck me was the way Michigan's new coach, Brady Hoke, talked to his players. He was very calm and respectful to them, even after a player had made a big mistake like throwing an interception that could have cost them the game. The coach didn't shout angrily like we are accustomed to seeing football coaches do. He was serious and meant business, but his body language and the words I could read from his lips made him come across with respect, like he was an ally and a teacher. More "Okay, here's what we need to do to fix this."

Without realizing it, I became infected by watching Brady Hoke's kindness, and it influenced me to be kinder today. This morning my five year old started throwing a fit in a public place for no apparent reason. My first instinct was to give him the stern, "this is inappropriate" talking to. I wasn't feeling angry, but I wanted to teach him the lesson and the stern approach was my first reaction. I think it is the way I've seen most parents respond in my life, so it is familiar - but certainly not the best or only way I could respond.

In the split seconds of deciding how to react, it occurred to me to take a kinder approach, and so that is what I did. I used the same words and taught the same lesson, but I did it calmly and with more kindness. In doing so I felt like more of an ally to my son than an authoritarian, and he responded well to it. On my more mindful days I try to take this approach to parenting, but I am not perfect, and I don't think it makes me a bad parent to be stern sometimes. My point is that watching Brady Hoke's kinder way of coaching had influenced me and reminded me, in those few seconds of deciding how to react, that kindness and calmness were on the menu. Brady Hoke actually crossed my mind.

So witnessing kindness influenced me to choose kindness, just like that. I wonder how many other people watching the game were also influenced that way. What if I infuse all of my interactions with more kindness, compassion, patience, joy, respect, and peace? It is a choice after all. By doing so, I will bring more of these qualities into my life and the lives of others. It will make every interaction better. It will inspire others to be kinder too, and kindness is a form of peace. And just like that, peace spreads. It is so simple, yet so powerful.

My efforts alone to be kinder may not solve all of the world's problems, but it will bring more light into the world. That is a start. It will make our world a kinder place, even if just a little bit, and that is a world I want to live in. A world I want my children to live in. The problems facing the world are daunting, and remembering that my simple everyday actions make a difference is empowering. Especially today.

Kindergarten here we come...

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

Emerson ready to go to his first day of Kindergarten

How did our baby grow into a Kindergartener so fast? Where did that half decade go? When we brought home our newborn, I was so overcome by love for him I could not imagine him going away to school someday. In many ways that seems like yesterday, yet so much has changed in our lives that it seems like a very long time ago indeed. Fortunately, as that vulnerable, precious baby has grown he is showing us that he is pretty resilient and capable. He's a smart boy who loves to learn and loves to be with friends, and so I know school is the best place for him right now. That makes saying goodbye to him each day so much easier, but it is still bittersweet.

As the alarm went off this morning, it hit me that we had entered the end of an era. The era before alarm clocks. The time of staying in pajamas all day if we want to, reading books together for hours, going for nature walks or to the beach on a whim. The carefree days before school became a regular part of our days. I do find comfort in the fact that we get to return to that each summer, and there is something nice about having more structure to our days now.

I also notice how quiet our house is this morning without the constant airplane noises and questions and the stories that Emerson loves to tell. There is something so solemn about the toys he was playing with this morning laying silently where he had left them on the couch and the floor. Charlie feels it too, and he keeps saying that he wants to go to school. On the first day he insisted on wearing his backpack. Those two are such a sweet duo together.

Emerson and Charlie on their way to school.

I think more than anything I'm just so proud of Emerson. Proud at how brave he is to go to a new place, away from us. Proud at how curious he is and how much he loves to learn. I feel honored and grateful to have witnessed so much of his life so far, and proud of the hand I have had in raising this fine little boy to become who he is.

Overall, I think the hardest thing about going back to school for Emerson, for me, and probably universally for parents and children everywhere, is separating. My sweet little boy explained it to me best last week. I asked him if he was excited about school, and he said "no". I asked him why and he responded by making shapes with his hands in the air: the letter I, the shape of a heart, and the letter U. I heart U. Yes, that sums it up pretty well.

Meatless meals

Photo credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/32599519@N02/ / CC BY 2.0

Last November I stopped cooking meat at home. I had been wanting to reduce our meat consumption for a while, but it just seemed so hard to change all of my regular recipes for new vegetarian ones. It turned out that it wasn't as hard as I had feared to kick the meat habit.

I started with a one-month commitment, figuring we could go without until the Thanksgiving turkey. I don't keep secrets from my husband, but I made an exception and didn't tell him we about eating meat for the first week. I wanted to make sure this commitment was going to stick, and I figured once I got a few tasty meatless meals in him he would not protest.

It turns out I had nothing to fear. I had to step out of my recipe comfort zone (some may refer to as a rut) and find new ones, but I discovered many easy, delicious, and satisfying meals that my husband and three-year old both love. I even made lasagna for my in-laws with vegetarian sausage that they raved about. Truth be told, we have fallen off the wagon as the busy-ness of summer took over. Part of the beauty of this is that you can do what you can, and be as committed as you want at any particular time.

There is a wonderful effort called the PB&J Campaign, a campaign to reduce the amount of animal products people eat by encouraging people to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of meat and dairy. Really, any plant-based meal will do, but a PB&J is something pretty familiar to even the biggest meat-lovers, and tasty too. It is a fun way to think about reducing your footprint, but the impact is quite significant. According to their website:

-Each time you have a plant-based meal like a PB&J sandwich you reduce your carbon dioxide emissions over an animal-based meal by 2.5 pounds for lunch.
-If you have a PB&J instead of red meat, you reduce your carbon footprint by 3.5 pounds.
-You also save a whopping 133 gallons of water at lunch, and 24 square feet of land from deforestation and pollution.

Holy cow!

The numbers don't work out perfectly, as my family does eat dairy and eggs, but on average my family is saving:
-22.5 pounds of carbon each day, 540 pounds each month, and about 7000 pounds per year;
-7128 gallons of water per week, or 373,000 per year; and
-1296 square feet of land each week.

That's nothing to shake a stick at.

I'm thoroughly convinced that anybody can do this. You get to make rules that work for your family, whether you want to remove meat at one meal per week or avoid all animal products for one month each year. For our family, we started by not eating meat at home, but eating whatever we want at restaurants (about once a week). We occasionally do cook meat for visitors and on special occasions. It also helps that we happen to really like peanut butter and jelly.

Sleeping Bear Dunes

Last weekend we met up with dear friends visiting from Ann Arbor at the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore. It was wonderful!

We hiked the dune climb and talked about life while our four children played around in the sand. Being ankle deep in sand made me feel so grounded, and the fresh air was so purifying. It had been a stressful week for all of us adults, and being outdoors in that incredible place put everything in perspective. No problem feels very big when you're standing atop a giant hill of sand. No problem feels permanent when the very ground you stand on was dropped by glaciers over a million years ago and shifts with the wind. Everything will be okay.

And then, there was this:

People climbing up the 450, a 450 foot tall and very steep sand dune, sloping down to Lake Michigan

The Sleeping Bear Dunes are gorgeous. When we walked out to overlook the 450, the view took my breath away even though I have been here many times before. The water was so blue and the lake and sand and sky are so immense. We could see Lake Michigan in three directions, and we could see the Manitou Islands in the distance.

The beauty is so powerful that it was not much of a surprise to me when the Sleeping Bear Dunes were voted the most beautiful place in America this week. It sure does feel good to have a place in Michigan recognized in this way. It has been hard to live in a state that has had it so rough in recent years, and a state who has been the butt of so many national jokes. It feels good to finally get some national recognition of the things that make our state a great place to live.

10 years ago...

Moments after getting married, August 18, 2001

Yesterday Ross and I celebrated our tenth anniversary. He is really very good at these kinds of things. We went went out to dinner and watched the sunset over the bay, and he gave me a lovely gift. My favorite part of all was the card he gave me. In it he wrote all over little summaries of some of our best memories together. It made me laugh...and cry.

He listed some great memories, like hiking to Machu Picchu together right out of college. He also listed the funny and spontaneous moments that became big memories for us. For example, on that same trip, in the midst of an incredibly long bus ride through the Peruvian desert, we stopped at a truck stop for lunch. I ordered fish and the meal came with the fish's head still attached. I was very grumpy about it, so Ross started singing "fish heads, fish heads eat em up, yum." I recall that his song just made me grumpier. But looking back, it is a really funny memory, and a moment that brought us closer together. So, on the anniversary card, he simply wrote "fish heads in Peru" to evoke that memory.

I love him for singing that song, and for appreciating that moment, and for being here 10 years later to remind me of it. I'm grateful for the thousands of other memories we've made together along the way, and the many, many more to come.

the blog has a brand new look

The creative juices were flowing tonight and I made a new header for this blog. Ta da!

The amazing thing is that I did it all in less than an hour, following a tutorial from Clover Lane that you can find here. In the process I also discovered and downloaded Picasa, a free photo editing and design program, and I'm looking forward to seeing what else I can create with that one.

Slowly this little blog is getting a personality of her own...

Goddess inspiration

My obsession of the day is the Goddess Guidebook written by Goddess Leonie, who I just totally adore. She is so full of joy and simple little nuggets of wisdom. She is so herself that I feel like she gives me permission to be myself, even to be silly and light and fun in my professional and everyday life. She also bears an uncanny resemblance to my dear friend, Laura, who is also a guru of mindfulness and spirituality.

Just now I curled up in the quilt my grandma made for me with a cup of coffee and the sound of my husband and boys playing in the backyard (ah, heaven!) and read her blog and watched a little video of hers.

I really like this video on how to give yourself what you need. I watched it a few weeks ago and realized that what I really needed at the time was to spend good quality time with my little boys enjoying the summer, so that is what I was able to focus on. I was able to put other things aside, realizing that there would be a time for work, for making our home beautiful, and everything else. It just took being still for one minute to figure out what I needed at that time. And I'm so glad I did. It has been a GREAT summer, and the boys have thrived with the attention. So have I.

I also love this one about overcoming the sense of overwhelm. Ever have so much going on or on your to do list that you don't know where to begin or how to attack it? I think we all do. This is a beautiful, simple approach to addressing that.

I love being able to tap into her joy and wisdom on her "Goddess TV channel" (yes, goddess TV. love it!) on YouTube any time I have a few minutes, and bringing more mindfulness to my life. I hope you do too!

Check this off my Mondo Beyondo list, twice!

Back in July I wrote a post about auditioning for and getting a singing part in the Traverse City lip dub video, a city-wide music video. Well, it came out a couple of weeks ago, and here it is:

Traverse City LipDub from FishSoup Films on Vimeo.

I'm near the end, I join my new friend Dave right after he throws records into the air.

It was such a great experience. The highlights would have to be:

-Meeting so many fun and friendly people. I got to spend some time with the other singers near me during the filming, and they are such nice people. I think I made some new good friends there. In fact, I just went out last night with my new friend Micki who was the singer right after me in the dub.

-Watching the premier of the film on the big screen in the open space (a big park on the Grand Traverse Bay). For the Traverse City Film Festival there is a giant movie screen inflated in the park and free movies are shown all week at dusk. The lip dub was shown to open the first movie, and I got to see myself, and see Traverse City in all its glory, on the big screen. Now, since I have a tendency to be critical of myself already, watching myself on a 100 foot projection was a bit shaking, but it was also pretty darn awesome. And I think I can officially check getting on a movie screen off my Mondo Beyondo list of big dreams and goals, for sure.

-Stepping outside of the old comfort zone. I truly believe that doing things that stretch what you are comfortable with and putting yourself out there makes you braver and stronger. It shakes the cobwebs off of life and makes things a little bit more vibrant and fresh. I'm so glad I did it. Oh, and being in a guerrilla dance/singing video was also on my Mondo Beyondo list, so there's another life goal to cross off.

These are the good old days

Today I have a babysitter and so I came to the public library to get some writing done. Driving here by myself I felt almost giddy with the freedom of it all, a cherished break from being the caregiver to my two young boys. I was looking forward to setting up my laptop next to a giant window overlooking Boardman Lake, and having a few hours of peace and quiet and uninterrupted writing.

Wouldn't you know it, as soon as I walked in door, I was reminded of my little boys. We have been here dozens of times for story hour, and then to play with the puppets, fill up our bag full of books, and play on the train in the children's garden. I have so many fond memories with them here. The laughter and hushed squeals of preschoolers echoed through the library as I walked in and I missed my boys so much my heart ached.

The same thing happened a few weeks ago when I ran an errand to the mall one evening. I was feeling especially tired after a long week and was happy to have a few minutes to myself. But as I walked past the play area and heard the screams of toddlers, I longed for my boys to be with me. It dawned on me that day that I might always feel that way. When I am in my fifties will I miss the toddler and preschooler versions of them every time I come into a library? Maybe, but probably not.

I think what these moments do is keep me in balance. They remind me that even though it is challenging at times, I am so glad that my boys are at this age right now. This is the season of my life that I am in right now and I love it. There are things to look forward to, like more time for myself, but I don't wish to speed things up. Actually, if I could slow down time I would, and I would linger a bit longer in the sweet and silly moments with my babies. But I cannot do that either. I am learning that the key is to enjoy life in the moment.

Once, years ago, I was reminiscing with my Aunt about a really fun family reunion we had when we spontaneously started a dance party outside of a Billy Ocean concert (yeah, that dates me, huh?). I said, "ah, the good old days." And my Aunt, with two young girls of her own at the time replied, "No, *these* are the good old days right now." And I know that these days, right now, are the good old days for me. If I do it right, every season of my life can be the good old days.

Happy Birthday Tiny!

Enjoying summer and s'mores

Two years ago today Tiny was born! He has brought so much joy into our lives every day since. He is such a sweet, mellow, happy boy. He loves his brother, loves his dog, and he just loves to play.

I love everything about him. His bright yellow hair, his blue inquisitive eyes, the way he scrunches up his nose when he's mad. I love his soft toddler legs, and the way that he sleeps all twisted up. I love how he likes to play "mama sad" where I pretend that I'm sad and then he kisses me and I'm happy again. I love how he makes up his own language, and how until recently he called water "awah" and would say "doh" instead of yes. I love that he calls Lightening McQueen "Bob." I love that he is such a ball player, that he already is learning how to dribble a basketball, do a layup, put spin on a football when he throws it, and hit a golf ball with some form. I love that he asks me to do criss cross applesauce on his back.

Tiny and his big brother meeting for the first time.

He got the name Tiny because he came into this world very big, weighing in at 10 pounds 9 ounces, and he has been a big boy ever since. When he was first born I didn't like that everyone made such a big deal about how big he is. There is so much more to him: he's beautiful and has such a peaceful soul. Even at birth I could see that, and I didn't want the fact that he was big to be his whole story. But I have grown to love that this is part of his story. I love that he is our big teddy bear, our gentle giant.

One week old and beautiful.

His arrival was also very healing for us. I delivered his older brother with a cesarean because we discovered he was breech when I was very far along in labor. We were rushed by ambulance from the warm, peaceful tub at our birth center to the hospital operating room, and the experience was traumatic. It left an emotional wound that was difficult to heal.

Having a natural birth after a c-section is very hard to do in this country anymore, sadly. Even though it is much safer in most cases to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) than a repeat c-section, it is very difficult to find caregivers and hospitals who will support mothers looking to have a VBAC.

One week old smile.

So when I delivered Tiny naturally, and completely unmedicated, it was very healing. It gave me closure and removed all my doubts about whether I could ever experience childbirth the way I wanted to. A natural birth was something I have always wanted, a gift that I wanted to give to my babies, and it was such an empowering experience. Delivering a 10 pound 9 ounce baby also felt like a major accomplishment. It is something I will always be so proud of.

This boy knows how to enjoy life.

Tiny has healed and transformed us as parents as well, by way of mellowing us out. Perhaps his mellow attitude has rubbed off on us. It also has been just a side-effect of having two children. The amount of time and attention we have is limited more than when we had one child, so we cannot obsess about making all the right parenting decisions like we could when we just had our oldest to focus on. We've also come to realize that it is better to have more relaxed and present parents, even if that means we don't have a super green vegetable on the menu every single day (and the children's vitamins sometimes go missing for three days at a time because someone puts them away in the toy kitchen).

The second time around, we now see that the details matter less than the big picture. I guess you could say that Tiny has taught us not to sweat the small stuff.

the amazing erupting volcano cake

Look at that face! I think he liked it.


So for sweet boy's birthday, we made him a volcano cake with dragons climbing up the side (his idea). As an added touch, we made it actually smoke and erupt some delicious lava. It was really, really cool. Thanks to my super crafty friend Andrea for the instructions, which you can find here. It's so much easier than it looks. If you have a child in your life, find a reason to make one of these!



Check out those dragons.

Here's a video of the eruption. It is out of focus, but you still get the picture.




Since it was also a birthday party for Tiny, we made him some cupcakes that look like all different kinds of balls. He LOVES sports, especially basketball. Whenever we do art projects, he asks us to draw a basketball going into the hoop and a picture of him carrying a football. Oh, and hot air balloons, but that didn't really fit with the theme.





Ross and I had fun decorating the cakes into the wee hours of the night before the party. The volcano cake was my vision, and Ross decorated it amazingly well, don't you think? We were pretending like we were on Ace of Cakes. It's only a matter of time before Duff and his gang make an erupting volcano cake. Remember, you saw it here first! (unless they have already made one, in which case nevermind:)

Five years old...

Five years ago today you entered this world and changed everything for me. I became a mother, we became a family, and everything else in the world suddenly became so distant and less important than being with you. Holding you in my arms for the first time seems like yesterday, how can it be that you are no longer a baby?

You are sweet, brilliant, sensitive, and strong-willed, and you have challenged me in ways I never dreamed possible. I love you exactly as you are. Happy birthday to my sweet boy. I wish for you a day full of volcanoes, dragons, Lightening McQueen, bike-riding, knock-knock jokes, and all of your favorite things. I can't believe you are five years old!

collecting stones

Last weekend we visited my in-laws house on Lake Michigan. It was Saturday and I was feeling worn out after a long and busy week. I took a walk by myself on the beach and started collecting some of the wet stones that I found just where the waves wash onto the beach. There were brilliant orange stones, transparent white and pink quartz stones, pale green stones, and every so often the illustrious Petoskey stone. Collecting them became almost meditative, I was feeling more grounded and my mind started to clear. I began to focus on all that I was grateful for: the beautiful day, the immense lake, my sweet children, our health, being alive. Before I knew it my pockets were full of stones, my mind was clear, and I had an idea for a business that could spread that feeling of gratitude and cultivate my own creativity. I have been wanting a creative endeavor like this and waiting for this inspiration to strike. I'm so excited to start working towards this idea and hopefully unveil it soon.

U2

Last weekend Ross and I saw U2 in concert, and it was nothing short of electrifying. We were on the floor close enough to see the band's faces, dancing and singing along with thousands of intimate strangers outside on a gorgeous summer night. When the band walked out on stage to start the show, I felt so happy and so alive. It was still daylight, just turning to dusk, and these men who make this moving music felt like old friends.

It made me remember how important and inspiring music can be when you really love it. I've decided to overcome the little technical hurdles I have right now (e.g. get that old ipod to work and get a player in the kitchen) to make sure I can listen to and explore new music in the places I spend most of my time. It also reminded me how important social action is to me, and how, despite my work for an environmental group, I have pushed that to the back burner as I started raising children. I miss it.

Being at the concert also reminded me how following a passion is so key to having a fulfilling life. These moments are what make life rich and exciting and beautiful. Sometimes it seems too inconvenient, or like a lesser priority when there are so many things to do to run a household and raise a family. We could have so easily not traveled the four hours to the concert. In fact, when we woke up in the morning exhausted from a long week and busy weekend, it occurred to us that maybe we shouldn't go. I'm SO glad we went. Doing something that knocks your socks off every once in a while is worth the effort.

It was also such a bonding experience for me and Ross. It was the first concert we have been to together in a long time, and it is something we both love doing. We felt like kids again, drinking our Jaeger and Red Bull in the car before the show (after all, we had a long drive back later and needed to be awake); walking around the college town where we lived during law school and driving by the apartment where we brought home our first child; and then experiencing together a moving concert of music we have loved for twenty years. As caregivers to two young and precocious boys, often our time alone together is spent collapsed on the couch, reading or watching a movie. It was invigorating to do something so exciting together, and reminiscent of our early years. In fact, early in our relationship we sat in line overnight to get tickets to a Phish show, which was Ross’ favorite band at the time. I was not that into Phish, but I was very into a certain boy who became my husband. The experience was one we will always remember.

The concert also spun me into some deep thinking about life and growing older. The first concert I went to was in 1992. I was 17 years old at the time, and my friend Brian and I snuck onto the floor of the concert from our balcony seats using the ticket stubs of our friends with better seats. He recently reminded me that I said at the time, "We're so close I can see the beads of sweat on Bono's face." Something a 17-year-old would say. Life was in front of me, possibilities were endless, and U2 were still young men. It seemed like being young was the peak of life.

This time was different in many ways. Almost twenty years have passed. I have a husband and two children, an established career, a house, and lots of things tying me down. I still have plenty of life in front of me, but I have plenty of life behind me too.

I had one of those moments at the concert where I greeted myself in the bathroom mirror and it was like saying hello to the 17-year-old version of myself. I never thought I would get to 36 so quickly. I also didn't know that 36 would feel good, and that in many ways I would feel the same (especially when I let the responsibilities leave my mind for a while). When U2 walked on stage, I felt the same. I was jumping up and down, so full of life, so happy. It may be more socially acceptable for a 17-year-old to do that, but it felt good. I probably thought at 17 that the age of 36 was past my prime in some way. Oh contrare. Life is getting more interesting, in many ways I'm getting braver, and I understand the big picture so much better.

It also helped that the band themselves just turned the corner into their 50s, and they don't seem bothered by it in the least. And contrary to other bands I've seen who have been touring for a long time, they still were on fire with a passion for their music, and so energized by the crowd. Bono looked reluctant to leave the stage even after two encores.

I think I can speak for most of the 65,000 people in the audience and say that we too were reluctant for them to leave the stage. Their music is poetry. It inspires us to be better people, like the heroes Martin Luther King Jr. and Aung San Suu Kyi that the band plays tributes to in their concerts. They make us want to be kinder, more compassionate, and to work for justice and peace in the world and in our communities.

At one point in the concert, two women started pushing their way through the crowd to get closer to the stage. They were breaking the unspoken code of concert-goers, moving us from our established spots and pushing us back ever so slightly so they could get a closer view. I realized that while I may have pushed my own way to the front when I was 17, it was not really an option for me anymore. It wasn’t the thing of integrity to do, and that was more important than a closer view of the band. And since the song “In the Name of Love” was playing, it was easy to push anger from my mind and focus on more important things, including the joy of just being there.

Big fun dream in the works...

I absolutely love guerilla music videos. You know those videos making the rounds on Youtube and Facebook where a community of people come together to put on what looks like a spontaneous dance in a mall or train station, or lip synchs a song and dance along. I also really love the surprise fun wedding dances. It is just pure fun, a celebration of life, and I want to be part of at least one of these in my life. So this year I added it to my Mondo Beyondo dream list, a list of my biggest and wildest dreams. I didn't know anyone who was organizing these things, or how this dream would ever come about, but I put it out into the universe and forgot about it.

Two weeks ago I watched this great lip dub video made in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and remembered this dream. It is a great video, broke the world record, and Robert Ebert even called it the best music video ever made. Then this week, I learned they are making one of these in Traverse City, where I live. I auditioned last night, and got a singing role! So, it is happening, and I couldn't be more excited. We film it in less than two weeks.

Ever since I started tinkering with figuring out what exactly my big dreams are and going after them, I've been amazed at how the universe works with you to make them happen. Really all that has changed is: 1) I am more intentional about what I want to happen, like recognizing that I love these videos and want to be a part of one; 2) I put myself out there. That's not always easy. I shlepped my two young boys in the rain downtown and danced around in front of 20 strangers and a video camera last night. But it was all in the name of fun. That is number 3) Fun is important. Fun is worth it. Fun makes life good and happy and rich.

I really need to put this list of dreams out there, and start tracking how they come true, because it really is blowing my mind. That list and more about the process to come soon. For now, here are some of my favorite videos:

-Where the Hell is Matt?

-JK Wedding Entrance Dance

-Surprise Wedding First Dance, NYC-style

big life dreams

In the spirit of putting my dreams out into the universe so the universe can get to work on them, here is where I am at this morning.

I want to start and run a creative business. I want to be full, creative, spiritual, and bring those elements into my life more. I want to help women.

What would this creative business look like? The inner wisdom voice answers: "Start where you are at." Blog more. Write with truth. Find my voice. Do more freelance writing. Do that grant writing e-course I've been dreaming about. Connect with people doing this type of thing.

Start by making my home beautiful. Declutter. Make it feel inspiring, not like a job that is always left undone.

Make space for this in my world. Get more help with the boys. Set up childcare 2 hours/day? Work in the evenings.

Writing this and putting it out there is scary. Maybe it seems silly to some, but it inspires me and excites me and that is my truth. So there it is.

I'm so inspired. I am the master of my universe. The goddess that I want to be is in there, I just need to let her out. It is all right here. Everything I've been doing with my life has prepared me for the particular brand of magic that I will release on the world.

Ready to get started!

10k

This weekend I ran my first 10k race and it was awesome! It was the farthest I have ever run in my life and it felt so empowering to face some fears and push myself physically beyond what I've ever done before.

I have run for exercise pretty regularly for a long time, but never more than 2 or 3 miles. In college I ran 5 miles once, and that is as far as I had EVER run before training for this race. Pushing past that 5 miles feels like a major accomplishment, and running a marathon has long been a life goal of mine. Now I know how to get there.

In a way this makes me feel like anything is possible. Seriously. All it took was setting a goal. I have put this off for years and then just decided to sign up for it. Having a goal, especially a public goal, made me stick with it. I never considered not following through with it, even after I injured my hand and was in a cast and brace for 12 weeks. Major bummer, by the way.

Running 6.2 miles may not seem like a big scary endeavor, but it certainly was a stepping outside of my comfort zone. And I was rewarded in many ways. I'm a bit braver now, and more willing to try new things. I'm also in better shape, and I have developed a stronger friendship with my running partner, Jodi. She was the key to making this training great. We started doing long runs together on the weekends, and we would get so engaged in conversation that the miles would just fly by. I've never had a running partner like that and I love it. We ran the entire race together too, and that made it all the more fun.

The highlight of the race was seeing these guys cheering me on with one mile to go. Love them and their sweet little signs!

I'm hooked. Maybe a half marathon next?

creating a clearing

For the past several weeks I have been on an organizing spree. I have been organizing our paper files, the stuff in our basement, and even our finances. I have planned our vacation days for the coming year, and have been organizing our weeks so they run smoothly with a balanced combination of errands, work, play dates, and quiet time at home. We also have been getting a lot of yard work done and have prepped our bedroom to paint. You could definitely say that the theme of my spring has been nesting and getting organized, and oddly enough, I'm getting a lot of satisfaction out of it.

Part of this is certainly just the spring cleaning urge that comes this time of year. There is also the fact that we moved into our house less than a year ago and we slowly (having two little "helpers" at every turn) have been making it the way we want it. But it is also more than that. I have felt a strong pull to get everything in order, and that the disorder in my life was standing in the way of my work and my dreams. I felt the need to cross off the long list of basic life-maintenence things on my to-do list before I can get to the bigger picture. After all, I need to take care of my family and run my household before I can move beyond that and figure out how to enrich my life with more. Specifically, I would like to write more, to start giving back to my community, and to build a close circle of friends in our new community.

It dawned on me today that what I am actually doing is making a clearing. By this I mean I have had to make space in my life for the things that I want to come into it.

I first became aware of this concept last year during the Mondo Beyondo workshop about following your dreams. One of the main steps towards realizing your dreams is to create a clearing in your life. This can be clearing more time in your schedule or literally clearing space and organizing your living space, whatever it is that you think you need. The idea is that making this clearing frees up your energy and declutters your mind to allow something new to emerge. New opportunities, new space for doing art, or whatever it is that you need in your life will now have room to live in that space.

So through all of this organizing and planning, I am actually freeing up my time and energy and space in my home so I can focus on new things. It is hard to sit down to write, for example, when my office is a minefield of unpacked boxes. It is hard to feel like I have the extra time and energy to move towards my dreams when I have so many things that I need to do to take care of my family and my self.

Realizing that I've been making a clearing is liberating. Instead of feeling like this organizing obsession is keeping my from focusing on being creative (and being horrified that I suddenly enjoy planning and cleaning so much), I now realize that creating a clearing is part of the creative process. Now I can just allow myself to focus on and even enjoy this organizing spree, and trust that it will bring new good things to my life.

How do you create clearings in your life?

birthday

Birthday lunch with Batman and sleepyhead

For my birthday, I'm gifting myself this blog. A place to document my life and the lives of my ever-changing young boys, because the details of our sweet days together escape me so quickly.

I am also giving myself this space to write. To write whatever I want to write, just to create and give voice to the thoughts and stories and ideas that increasingly float around my head while I am jogging and in the shower and cooking dinner.

I tend to think that a blog about me and my life is kind of self-indulgent, but that's what birthdays are all about. Right?